There comes a time in our lives when we lose our ever loving mind because we have taken on too much responsibility that we can realistically bare. Let us not forget the sleep deprivation and the long days at the office.
Honestly, I am effing exhausted! We choose our
own lives and our own paths, but that doesn’t mean that we are capable of fully negotiating the goals we have set for ourselves.
No matter how much you want something, sometimes you just ain’t gonna get it. I wish that I worked in a place similar to that of Texas. No matter the goofy, and embarrassing politics, working in Texas means a lot more than other places. I can genuinely say that I loved my work environment and made some life long friends.
However, when you’ve grown up in such an environment your entire life, moving to another state with different cultural expectations and values can leave you in a state of culture shock and sadness.
Getting on the matter at hand! Failed Anger Management? Another symptom of sleep deprivation and functioning in too many roles simultaneously is Anger. Right now, I think that I have said “I hate all human beings” at least twice a day for two months. It has become a pathological fixation on nonsense that makes me want to verbally lash out and purposely hurt someone’s feelings. Problem with that is, underneath the pathological anger shyt, there is this kind hearted person who is constantly apologetic for raving and behaving like an utter lunatic.
During my drive to work, the good days only include me screaming “fck you” at the top of my lungs when abruptly cut off by some weird looking miniature car that probably only runs on sea weed and cow shyt.
On days when I’ve only had a few hours of sleep, I become more suggestive with the middle finger. Recently, the amount of expletives dropping from my mouth have even stunned me. Where is all of this anger originating from? Your guess is as good as mine.
What I am sure of is that I feel peace at home with my babies and my awesome husband. Or shall I say my awesome fussy husband who probably fusses at me daily about things that I see as trivial. He is such a good husband and dad though that I can’t really complain. He is my rock. We are solid. But my anger outside the household is atrocious and it needs to be addressed.
If you don’t know how to treat an anger problem, these have been the most successful strategies of managing my anger:
- Understand that your anger should not be put on display at work: I’ve found that listening to really inappropriate music filled with expletives has a calming affect. You want to know why? Well, If I’m jamming Eminem, I can count on his lyrics to to address any insane problem I’m having that day. He raps about murder…though I don’t want to murder anyone, but at least giving me a visual from the music is entertainment. It serves as a distraction from the trivial shyt going on in my life.
- Ok, there really is no number two. I’ve resorted to listening to the most violent and ghetto music in order for me to at least pretend that someone knows my struggles. But really, how can a gangsta rapper know how it feels to write a dissertation proposal that has been plaguing your existence for almost two years?
- I try to bombard my husband with my angry rantings and he seems to check out at some points. I guess if I were in his shoes and my wife only spoke the language of “fck that bitch, he gets on my fckn nerves, and this is my favorite…”well they can go and fck themselves with something hard and prickly”, I would rather check out too.
It has recently come to my intention that I chose a career that I hate, but that also challenges me. I love my career depending on the day. If I’m just out visiting with clients, I’m good. Most of the time I am listening to their nonsense. Other times, I’m trying to remember when my next facial, manicure, and pedicure is due.
And let me not forget to go in on these idiots who for some reason think its appropriate to complain about every fucking thing at the office. Dude, you are not there to live and give birth, you are there to work and not irritate your fcking coworkers. There are some fields that should not be so adversarial. Everyday there is a constant battle between good and evil at the job. I hate when people whispering when we all can still hear your ass BECAUSE WE ARE IN CUBICLES. And then there are the days when I hear some bull shyt that is so annoying and trivial at the same time that I just want to tell the perpetrator, “just go the fck away.”